The Bitterness of Modern Society: Marriage, Family, and Tradition in Decline

The Lost Tradition of the Daughter-in-Law

Interviewer: Greetings, Gurudev. In the old days, whenever a boy went to get married, he would whisper in his mother's ear, "I am going to bring a maidservant for you." How logical is that statement in the current times?

Gurudev: That's true, but those days are gone. Such talk has disappeared now. I attend many weddings, and I see that these traditions are fading. But the term "Dasi" (maidservant/devotee) used to be used extensively. If you look at old records or the names of daughters-in-law in old households, "Dasi" was always there. "So-and-so Dasi." Even if you go to Benaras now, you will see that many widows use "Dasi" as their last title. It has been a long-standing tradition. In the past, no matter how wealthy a household the bride came from, she was referred to as a "Dasi" upon entering her new home. This was the norm.

Chatting and Instant Marriages: The Destruction of Parental Authority

Gurudev: Nowadays, due to education or other factors, people don't like these things. Now, marriages happen through "chatting" on phones. "You are mine, and I am yours"—and just like that, they are married. This causes great pain to parents. A mother raises a son, and a father works hard, hoping to marry their child into a good family. Even the girl's father hopes for a virtuous groom.

Gurudev: But now, you see boys and girls chatting and then suddenly going to Kalighat to get married. I know a very distinguished gentleman, very wealthy. His son went to Kalighat, got married, and then called his father. The father was left waiting at home, wondering when the son would return. I told him, "Well, perform the welcoming rituals now and bring them in." This is happening a lot now. It's unimaginable.

The Lost Art of Horoscope Matching

Interviewer: Gurudev, another thing—in the past, when people went to see a bride, the "Kushti" (horoscope matching) was a vital part.

Gurudev: Oh, absolutely. Not just the horoscope. A learned pundit would go along. When they went to see a girl, the parents and the pundit would go. The father would ask things he couldn't ask directly, so the mother would ask about her cooking skills—"What do you know how to cook? How do you make 'Shukto'?" The mother would check these things. The father would watch her walk to see her gait. They would even ask to see her hair untied to check its length and quality.

Gurudev: A lot depended on these observations back then—what we call "Lakshmi Sri" (auspicious signs). But those things are gone now. Now, a boy just brings four or five friends, they see the girl, like her, and that's it. Parents don't even go anymore in many cases.

The Science of Gotra: DNA and Blood Defects

Interviewer: Gurudev, there is also a scientific side. People say those with the same blood group shouldn't marry.

Gurudev: That's the DNA factor. We say people of the same "Gotra" (clan) shouldn't marry. Brahmins know this well. They suggest marrying into the "Matul" (maternal) line instead to change the lineage. This tradition still exists, and it existed in the past too. If parents liked a boy but the Gotra matched, they would find a way to marry into a different branch. Marrying within the same Gotra or lineage can lead to children with health or developmental issues. That is why we say don't marry within the same Gotra. It leads to "blood defects."

Gurudev: In our lineage, the blood that flows from our sages is different for everyone. DNA is different. Marrying within the same Gotra causes the blood groups to overlap too closely, which results in "unmature" brains or other issues in children.

The Divorce Epidemic: A Catastrophe

Interviewer: Gurudev, you meet so many people every day with their problems. What is your perspective on the current trend of marriages? You mentioned the rules and styles have changed.

Gurudev: What is there to understand? It's a disaster. Two months of marriage, then divorce. One month of marriage, then divorce. I am shocked. Why did you even get married if you were going to divorce? The girl says she doesn't like the boy. The boy says he doesn't like the girl.

The "First Look": From Sacred to Casual

Gurudev: The old system was different. Even the "Shubho Drishti" (the ritual first look) was the first time they truly saw each other. Now, they sit in a park, buy some peanuts, and while eating peanuts, they decide to marry. I've been to many houses where they say, "Don't waste time on rituals. The 'first look' happened long ago." They've seen each other a million times. This is what I see with my own eyes. It's very sad.

The Shame of Living Off One's In-Laws

Gurudev: What is the fault of the parents? They worked so hard to raise them. Then the son says, "I will live at my father-in-law's house." Do you know what a sin it is to live off your father-in-law? It is considered very lowly.

The Abandonment of Sacred Rituals

Gurudev: In the past, there was a rule that the groom's parents wouldn't eat at the bride's house until a grandchild was born. Now, all those rules are gone. Everyone goes to the wedding and eats together. In the old days, the mother would keep her hands in a bowl of yogurt until the wedding was completed, praying for peace and prosperity. Now, that's rare. Only very traditional families do it. Nowadays, even mothers have become "ultra-modern." They say, "What is all this old stuff?" They don't want to follow traditions.

Seventy to Eighty Percent Are Divorce Cases

Gurudev: Today, 50 people came to my house. Out of them, 25 were there for divorce cases. They all say, "Please fix it with some mantra or ritual." Can love and relationships be fixed with mantras and rituals? It's about the bond between husband and wife. Still, we try to help, but some things work and some don't.

Interviewer: The rate of broken marriages has increased significantly.

Gurudev: Massively. If 100 people come, 70 to 80 are divorce cases. It's a very uncomfortable situation. Sometimes I tell them, "I don't want to hear this anymore." My ears are tired of it. We are here to help with illnesses or spiritual matters through rituals, but what can we do about what a boy and girl are doing to each other?

The Business of False Cures: 50,000 Rupees for a Rudraksha

Gurudev: And then there are those who are making money off this. Today, a girl came who has a good job. Someone gave her a "Rudraksha" bead for 50,000 Rupees. They told her it would fix her marriage. She wore it, but the husband still left her. She asked me, "What do I do? I was told this would fix everything." This isn't how it works. Love isn't found through "Tantra."

Career Before Family: Delayed Parenthood

Interviewer: Gurudev, nowadays the foundation of relationships is weak. People meet on Facebook, and because it's so easy to find someone new, the depth is gone.

Gurudev: Exactly. Some couples both earn money, they prioritize their careers, and they decide not to have children. Later, when they finally want a child, they can't. Thousands of people come to me for child-related problems. They spent their early years chasing money and planning, and now, 8 or 9 years later, they can't conceive. It is a great misfortune for a woman if she cannot hear the call of "Mother."

Living Dead Under One Roof: The Effects on Children

Interviewer: Another thing, Gurudev—some people don't have the means for a divorce, so they live separately but under the same roof. Or they don't file for divorce for the sake of the parents, but the relationship is dead. The effect this has on the children is terrible.

Gurudev: It is. The children see everything. They see the broken relationship between the parents, and they might grow up to be angry or even criminal. Children grow up on the love and affection of their parents. If they don't get that, you can imagine what happens.

Gurudev: A child needs both the father's discipline and the mother's affection. If they don't get both, they go astray. Also, these days, kids are sent off to hostels early because parents are busy with work. That also has a bad effect.

The Lawyers and Tantriks: Making Money From Misery

Gurudev: You haven't seen anything yet. I see piles of cases in the courts. Lawyers are just making money from both sides and dragging the cases out for 7, 8, or 10 years. They don't want the divorce to be finalized quickly because they lose the income. I see "Tantriks" making money, lawyers making money, and even the police.

The "Trial And Error" Culture: Live-In Relationships

Interviewer: Gurudev, there is also the new concept of "Live-in" relationships—living together without marriage.

Gurudev: There is no liability there. That's why they do it. But these things don't last. It's like a "trial and error" method. Marriage is a sacred commitment. You take responsibility for another person. This "kiss and marry" culture doesn't work. Society is deteriorating. A time will come when the institution of marriage might vanish.

Marriage Joins Two Families, Not Just Two Individuals

Interviewer: Marriage isn't just between a boy and a girl. It joins two families.

Gurudev: Exactly. But often, it's the families that don't let them stay together. Many divorces happen because the girl's side or the boy's side interferes. They tell their child, "Leave them, we will find you someone better." This "support" is what leads to the split.

A Society Deteriorating: Abandonment of Sacred Bonds

Gurudev: Having two or three marriages has become common in Hindu society now. We are not far behind other communities where multiple marriages are common. I saw a girl who had been married three times. What is there to say?

Interviewer: So, we are seeing both good and bad influences, but the bad seems to be outweighing the good.

Gurudev: It's not just about good and bad. It's about the essence of a family. A marriage, a household, raising children—that is what a family is. Now, everything is unstable. I see children being abandoned as parents go their separate ways. It's heartbreaking. I have developed a certain bitterness toward the state of society. We had a responsibility toward society, but now it feels like society is beyond help. Every day, the things I hear... if you sat with me for one day, you would see how many divorce cases come to me. It's not what we want, but it's the reality.

Interviewer: My respects to you, Gurudev.

Gurudev: Blessings to you.

Spiritual Insight

The collapse of marriage and family in modern society is not accidental; it reflects a profound spiritual abandonment of sacred traditions and responsibilities. The ancient practices of horoscope matching, Gotra verification, and formal courtship were not superstitions but protective mechanisms ensuring genetic health and family stability. The elimination of these safeguards has unleashed a cascade of broken homes, traumatized children, and an epidemic of divorces that now comprises 70-80% of cases coming to spiritual teachers. Modern society's obsession with individual liberty, instant gratification, and career advancement has sacrificed the stability of family structures and the well-being of children who depend on both parental discipline and affection. When the institution of marriage—which unites not just two individuals but two families—becomes disposable and negotiable, society itself begins to crumble. The solution lies not in new Rudrakshas or tantric rituals, but in restoration of sacred commitment, parental guidance, and the understanding that marriage is a spiritual bond far deeper than emotional convenience.